I have sent the following letter to dozens, perhaps hundreds of radio stations now, including the Vatican's station. Time grows short if I'm to have a chance of being the next Pope, so I have to hurry, putting on the last minute campaign push.
When I'm elected Pope, I promise a big gas guzzling Ford in every garage, a chicken in every pot (except for Fridays, when it will be sushi) and 72 virgins waiting for you in paradise when you leave this vale of tears. I borrowed that last one from another religion, but a good idea is a good idea.
Dear Music and/or Program Director:
As you probably know, as both a solo artist, and a member of such ground-breaking rock ensembles such as Wimps, Dweebish, The Waiters, and Julia's Seizure. I've been delivering crunchy, nutty pop music goodness with every earful for nearly 3 decades. Is it any wonder that my loyal fans have proclaimed me "The Pope Of Pop?" I think not.
My attention has been drawn to the fact that the Catholic Church is currently lacking a Pope by the vast number of people who have begged me to run for the position. After much contemplation and reflection, I have decided to through my mitre into the ring. I know it will be an uphill battle; while I enjoy great name recognition among fans of quality pop music, I am less well known in the loaves and fishes set; I am not now nor have I ever been a member of the Catholic Party.
However, I have written a terrific campaign song that lays out my platform, and I have commissioned some of today's top hip, now, and happening musical talents to compose musical settings. As humbly as I can (being as great as I am) I request you consider reviewing the different versions, and further consider downloading the version(s) that best fit your format, for the purpose of broadcasting.
Green Plastic version:
https://soundcloud.com/wacky-moose/im-the-pope-green-plastic
Custom Drum Loops version:
https://soundcloud.com/wacky-moose/im-the-pope-customdrumloops
Tim Song version:
https://soundcloud.com/wacky-moose/im-the-pope-timsong-version
Possum Jenkins and the Cocaine Flames version:
https://soundcloud.com/wacky-moose/im-the-pope-possum-jenkins-and
The Bacardy Boys version:
https://soundcloud.com/wacky-moose/im-the-pope-bacardy-boys
Most Sincerely Yours,
Matt Love
CEO of Egregious Records
Bartender, O'Blerg's Pub
Future Pope, Catholic Church
--
I want to play in your town for you and 2 of your friends.
http://eventful.com/performers/matt-love-/P0-001-000156481-4/demands
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